One small step for mypharelady = one giant leap for my self-worth

If there’s one thing I know it’s that I can be a stubborn, slow learner. If there’s another thing I know it’s that slow and steady still gets you to the finish line.

After finishing my second half marathon I was adamant that I’d never complete a full marathon. In my mind, doing anything for a distance of 42 km and what would likely take me over five hours is the definition of insanity. No, thank you. Not for this girl. It’s really quite funny how, in certain moments like these, we feel we have all the answers. Everything is absolutely black and white. Yet, with a little time, some learning, and a lot of perspective, we can—and quite often do—change our minds.

Despite having completed a number of races, which by most people’s standards would qualify me as a runner, I’ve always struggled with the moniker. Similarly, despite making a living for close to 15 years by writing, not to mention running this blog and having a dream of writing and publishing a book of my own, calling myself a writer has always felt a little uncomfortable.

I can imagine anyone reading this right now is probably scratching their head and wondering what the hell long distance running and writing have to do with each other. The answer, at least in my case, is quite a lot. Both can take a toll on us: taxing our bodies, zapping our energy, and depleting us mentally. Both require tremendous focus, dedication, and most of all courage. Both require that the participant never give up hope of reaching their final destination—whether it be crossing the finish line or sharing their work with the world by publishing a book.

And I guess that’s precisely why I finally went ahead and purchased the domain name {mypharelady.com}. You see, when I originally created this blog about 2.5 years ago, I just couldn’t justify the expense for a personal blog that was little more than a hobby. Fast forward a few short years and I now see how that decision was less about the cost and more about subconsciously keeping myself small.

It has taken moldways_newdoorse some time to see the fault in my earlier perspective, and also that I still have a ways to go in the self-love and self-worth department. But I also realize staying where I am, in the nice warm fluffy walls of my comfort zone, won’t change anything either.

Is there any way to guarantee the small investment I’ve made in registering this domain will yield any kind of financial return? No. Is giving myself a gentle kick in the ass to get out of my comfort zone and taking a giant leap of faith just what I need? Hell ya and ‘nuff said.

While I must admit that running a full marathon still isn’t anywhere on my radar (I don’t feel the need to prove to myself that I can do it), I am determined to write and publish a book. Therefore, I intend to continue trudging forward, slowly and steadily down the long and winding road, until I reach the finish line.

I’d like to know…

Have you ever felt confined by your comfort zone and, if so, what did you do to shake things up?

And

In the face of self-doubt and other setbacks, how do you keep yourself focused on achieving your dreams and goals?

My story is unfolding, with major changes and subtle shifts

This summer has been a time of significant transition for me—a time of both major changes and subtle shifts. My daughter finished Grade 2 and my son graduated from Kindergarten, I left my job at the end of June, and I somehow finally summoned the courage to announce to the world that I plan to pursue my dream of becoming a published author.

While I’ve always insisted on working outside of the home (I felt I had something valid to offer the world and felt strongly that staying home with the kids wasn’t right for me), over the last year it became increasingly apparent that my children needed to have me around more than I needed to have a career, even if I was only working part time.

At first this message came masquerading as something else, but as time went on it got louder and much more obvious. This dance went on for a while but I began to see through the veiled disguise, eventually coming to understand being available to my children was the answer I didn’t know I was looking for, yet desperately needed to find.

But don’t let me fool you into thinking the decision to become a stay-at-home mom was an easy one for me to make, nor that it wasn’t met with any resistance on my part. In fact, resistance might just be the understatement of the century. My ego screamed and kicked and dug its heels in on this one. My identity as a career woman—a working mother—has guided every major decision I’ve made in the last eight years, and I was fiercely determined not to let go of the “working” part. I was extremely emotional just discussing the idea of not working, and I cried as I gave notice to my employer, all the while knowing it was what I needed to do.

As more friends and family members learn about my decision, many have asked about my motives and how it feels to assume this new role on a full-time basis. It’s not an easy question for me to answer, as I have mixed emotions and likely will for some time. What I do know, on the other hand, is this: the major changes that I’ve recently initiated are precipitating several smaller and more subtle shifts, which seem to be coming at me, fast and furious, in a successive chain reaction.

These subtle shifts have helped me to realize it’s time, once and for all, to release the pain and stagnant energy that is not serving me in the pursuit of my greatest good. I am learning to let go of things I can’t control. I am allowing myself to love and be loved. I am listening to my intuition more freely and uncovering what I desire most, which for the moment is to create, to nurture, to express love, and to receive love into my heart.

I want to live my life on purpose, starting right now with just one season (thanks to Melsha Shea for creating #SummerOnPurpose). This summer I want to be the most loving mother I can possibly be for my two beautiful children. I want to experience, through them, what being a kid is all about—having fun, playing, and seeing the world through innocent eyes with childlike wonder. I want to grow flowers and vegetables in my backyard. I want to do more art journaling. (Art journaling is an incredibly therapeutic process, and I highly recommend trying it if you haven’t already done so. Check out http://www.jenngarman.com. She’s a great teacher!) I want to read, cook, bake, dance, and move. Oh, yes, and I want to WRITE!

My first art journal page, "My story is unfolding"

My first art journal page, “My story is unfolding”

Through a series of synchronicities, I recently had the opportunity to attend a workshop on How to Write and Publish Your First Book in Seven Steps, presented by Kelly Falardeau and Carrie Kohan. These two wise women removed the mystery around book publishing by providing a series of practical and easy-to-follow steps, as well as sharing a process to capture my ideas and create outlines for the books I want to write. Further, Carrie Kohan rocked my world with her ability to “read” me, while confirming my deeply held belief about the incredible healing power of meditation. The workshop was both simple and extremely powerful, as it helped me realize I can stretch beyond my perceived limitations and pursue my passion of writing. With the knowledge Kelly and Carrie shared, and as I remain open to the possibilities life brings, I will share my words and stories with the world.

All of these changes in a relatively short period of time has felt like a whirlwind. It all feels like a bit much for a girl who prefers life to happen on her terms while having both feet firmly planted on the ground. But I can honestly say, without reservation, that my soul is downright giddy to have uncovered this path. So I’d like to thank the universe for these major changes and subtle shifts that are leading me to my truth. It’s like a reassuring pat on the back that’s letting me know, in no uncertain terms, I’m on the right track and my story is unfolding exactly how it’s supposed to.